trauma

It Changes You — Dirty Kanza 200

Posted by on Jun 1, 2014 in blogging, disability, Emotion, entertainment, healing, Japan, Nature, pace, pain, stress, trauma, travel | 0 comments

It Changes You — Dirty Kanza 200

Vibrating with raw energy, enthusiasm and excitement, the registrants for the Dirty Kanza 200 pack into The Granada in Emporia. This is the World’s Premier Gravel Grinder bicycle race right here in my hometown with over 1200 riders from 45 states and 7 countries. After my first half hour as a Gravel Groupie Volunteer, it is time for the riders’ meeting. There is a documentary video/slide show feeding more inspiration into the theater occupants. After all the photos and descriptions of riders grinding over 200 miles of gravel, the show ends with three words across a Flint Hills panorama, “It changes you.” Tears fill my eyes just imagining it. If exploring the Flint Hills by car can change me as a teenager, how wonderful would it be out there on a bike? But, I can’t really imagine the experience of grinding bike tires up and down the gravel hills. The day of the race is my first time even as a spectator. I have no idea what to expect. I just show up, report in and wait for instructions. There are more than enough volunteers at the Hospitality Tent, so Kristi asks me to help out with the banner signing. Holding a sharpie to give to the riders sounds boring, which is why I opted for the Hospitality Tent. When I realize that involves cutting up oranges, bananas and pouring water, the banner position suddenly seems more interesting. For the next five hours I have a front row spot behind the directors tent at the end of the finish line. In many cases I am one of the first people to shake a finishers hand, give a high five, pat on the back, congratulate them, help them find their finish time on the computer, direct them to the refreshments and ask them to sign the banner, pointing to the Sharpie hanging on the pole ties. I snap a few pictures from my iPhone of the first few finishers, but as the numbers increase I am busy greeting and directing riders or their crew. Some riders are a bit dazed, some are overwhelmingly exhausted and the EMTs are nearby. Some look almost euphoric; others burst into tears or are trembling as they try to regain their land legs. Some arrive with calm smiles as if it’s just another great ride through the Flint Hills of Kansas. Others ride past looking for the closest piece of shaded grass to rest. If a rider is too exhausted I follow their crewmembers to direct them to the refreshments and ask them to be sure their rider signs the banner after they’ve recovered. I get some of the sweatiest, grimy handshakes of my lifetime, and it doesn’t even bother me. It feels wonderful to be a part of something monumental in these riders’ lives. I get to hear comments to the Race Directors as riders finish and many say, “Thank you, this is the best course I’ve ever done.” One rider says, “This is the greatest achievement of my life!” I say, “Congratulations! Good work!” Time after time the riders thank me for my hard work, for being there, for being a Gravel Groupie. I mirror it back, “Thank you for your hard work. Without you we wouldn’t be here. You’re welcome.” I know they aren’t thanking me personally, because all I did was show up the day before the race. They are thanking the Race Directors, all the support staff, the entire community of Emporia, the surrounding communities that participate and all the ranchers whose front and back yards they travelled. Our contact creates a bond of...

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Jump

Posted by on Mar 23, 2014 in blogging, disability, healing, humor, Linda Esser, Recovery, Tapping, trauma | 0 comments

I cleared my calendar for another escape, diversion and distraction. I needed to pull me out of my isolation and loneliness so I planned a trip to Kansas City to connect with other practitioners and friends. Almost as soon as I committed to the trip I didn’t want to go. It was not resistance, it was the thought that popped in, I didn’t even think about how I could clear my calendar and spend that block of time writing my book. The book was still here quietly saying, “But what about me?” There’s the metaphor and I create my pattern with the book, too. Now the book feels left out, left behind and not included in my plans or life. From incidental information I’ve gotten from others, each piece was another grain of sand to tip the scales. My session with Pam, moving my office upstairs and the quote Cheryl posted by A.M. Homes, “If you don’t write the book you have to write, everything breaks.” When Robin and I talked, his words were like my soul speaking to me directly and there was no denial, just pure recognition of the truth that will set me free. I’m done dangling my toe in the water. It’s time to jump into the deep water and ride the waves of whatever comes up. Keep my spirit in present time, see the flip side, match the frequency and ride with it instead of resisting and fighting against it. The time is now to jump in fearlessly with my whole being, or tap through the fear. Lying in bed this morning I saw it arise, noticed it, allowed it like a wave I’m bobbing on top of and rode it without resistance. I allow it to roll on through and beyond, while I shift into the calm waters without fear or resistance of the next wave. I can do it. I have no more excuses. I don’t think I will do frequent blog posts, unless they are simple and quick. Just one now to say, “Got it, on to the book for now, see ya later, love ya lots.” I learned in the last two months to practice frequent breaks of fun and laughter to pull myself out of negative trances in other ways than tapping. This is the piece that Linda missed. Her style of tapping was serious and I modeled that. It’s time to lighten up and laugh more at the trances this monkey still allows. Stop it! Shift it the instant I notice. My mind/body already knows everything unconsciously that I need in order to succeed. It’s a matter of being still and silent long enough to hear my own inner wisdom. I need to metaphorically sit at the blank page, with the cursor blinking and simply wait until the answer or inspiration comes. Stop pushing myself through it, just live in a state of allowing the flow to come and go. Be with and in the process, be the process. Allow the book and me to be integrated in the work and congruent with the healing process however it needs to happen. I healed from the years that created the disability, now it is time to heal from the trauma of disability, because I know how and I can. It is time to boldly go where no woman has gone before. Be the woman and go deep inside to do the work. The Universe set me up in Divine Order. I’ve made the decision; I am committed to do whatever it takes. This is my Soul Light Purpose on...

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Don’t Hold Yourself Back

Posted by on Mar 1, 2014 in cancer, CFS, death, Depression, disability, EBV, Emotion, Family, Faster EFT, Fibromyalgia, healing, Japan, Linda Esser, Mono, pace, pain, Recovery, Robert Smith, Tapping, trauma, travel | 0 comments

Watching Tiffany and Heather is great for a lot of people, but there will be some who cannot relate to their stories when they can relate to others or mine. My parents were mostly calm, loving, supportive and encouraging. My childhood traumas were not so dramatic. There was no alcohol or drugs, no death threats or rape. Still, somehow I picked up some patterns of belief and behavior that led to similar symptoms showing up in my body. I know there are thousands like me who will not be able to relate to extremely violent childhoods. Those are the people I hope to reach. The world needs to hear my voice and the others. The Universe spoke to me through a man on the Friends dance floor, “Don’t hold yourself back.” I already have whatever I need within me to get this done. The Universe has set me up for it. The time is now. Set my intention, keep moving through it, do whatever it takes, tap through every resistance or fear, alternate with play and fun to keep pulling myself out of the past muck that I must write about in order to help others. Then I can use my book as support to help my clients when they get frustrated after tapping for six months and they aren’t completely healed yet. Neither was I? I was just beginning to have abilities to do things like paint for two hours in my kitchen. After six months of daily tapping I began practitioner training. I still had to pace myself carefully, tapping my way through fatigue and pain that still lingered. At first, the weekly trips from Kansas to OKC were four days. I kept an easy pace with a day on either side to relax, have fun or work for Robert before and after classes. By the time I finished training six months later, I could drive down the same day for the Monday night class, spend one night and drive 250 miles home after class on Tuesday night. It was amazing to me that I had changed that much in six months and by then I had been tapping for a year. I slowly increased my work hours until I was virtually working full time at building my FasterEFT practice. It was more than another year after that before I discontinued my disability benefits. I recently helped a client make a lot of big changes in her life. After tapping for six months she was frustrated that she’s not completely symptom-free yet. She is focused on what she can’t do instead of all the amazing progress. To those who are impatient with their progress, I suggest let go of the expectations you have of getting a certain outcome by a certain time. I never set that up in my head so my speed of progress was never a disappointment. I stayed in the present moment of the progress I had made, always practicing gratitude for how far I had come from where I began. I had no one to compare myself to, which I can see now was a real blessing. I was just forging ahead like a pioneer, tapping my way through everything I didn’t want and continued to practice gratitude every step of the way for each little improvement. Not everyone will heal as fast as Heather and Tiffany, and they are not completely healed yet either. They are still working on stuff. Yes FasterEFT can create fast changes but sometimes changes can be very slow or even invisible. You may not even know something...

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Take Control of Your Trances

Posted by on Feb 26, 2014 in dying, entertainment, Faster EFT, healing, heart, Robert Smith, Tapping, trauma, travel | 0 comments

This work is all too serious. My Point of Contact needs to stop taking everything so seriously and I need to help my clients do the same. I am exploring new ways to create laughter in sessions. Laughter is the best medicine and a great trance breaker. I teach Robert’s concept that we are Trance Monkeys and all those memories and feelings we tap away are just trances, not real, not happing now. Most of us live in whatever story or trance we are making up and telling ourselves in the moment. I instructed a client on how to use the Fake Laugh Technique and I used the monkey laugh from an iPad app. Laughter creates great shifts and fun for both of us. Lately, I ask clients, “What do you do to have fun, play or be silly?” Many of us have forgotten how to play silly like children. That is one of Jesus’ teachings, to be like a little child. There are so many ways to practice that. One is to be present in the moment, fully absorbed and consciously aware of this moment. I have observed my grandchildren when my son says, “Tell GG what you did last weekend.” They can hardly remember it because they are busy doing something different in this present moment. This is how we become conditioned to recreate the past and make stories from it. The story may become like a trance, not real now. The more we repeat the story, the deeper the trance may become. In the 1990s I heard a story about a bush native from an isolated tribe that had never had contact with the outside world. He was captured and put in prison for a small crime. He was told he would be set free in a certain number of days. In his culture he had no concept of the future because they lived totally in the present moment. He had lived freely and could not comprehend confinement or the hope of getting out of prison on a future day. He died within a few days. That is the power of the mind. A motivational speaker gave another powerful example. A man jumped a freight train and landed in an empty refrigeration car. His mind went into fear of freezing to death. As he rode through the night, he wrote with his finger in the dust on the floor that he was getting colder and colder as his heart and breathing were getting slower and slower. The last thing he wrote was, “It’s over.” When the train stopped they found him dead but the temperature in the car was above 50° because the refrigeration wasn’t even on. He died simply because of his belief that he was freezing to death. There was the Soccer Team in South America whose plane crashed in the Andes Mountains and the rescue teams didn’t find them. Many days later the survivors realized no one was coming to save them. They agreed as a group to eat the meat from the bodies of those who had died in the crash that were preserved in the frigid temperatures. The power of the mind saved them when three men set out alone to walk to civilization. They spent many nights sleeping in the freezing cold snow with no specific gear to protect them. After days of walking they made it to a small village, they directed the rescue teams to the crash site and the other survivors were saved. Because they practiced a trance of survival, persistence and action, their belief saved them....

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Notice The Subtle Reaction

Posted by on Feb 20, 2014 in Emotion, Faster EFT, healing, pain, Robert Smith, stress, Tapping, trauma, travel | 0 comments

My zone is more relaxed and in the flow of allowing. I gave myself permission to run errands yesterday morning. Robert is going longer without breaks. By the time I got there it was almost noon when he took the first break, then went another hour before lunch break. I went to evening class after a nice walk with a friend. The moist fresh air and exercise rejuvenated me, and my hair. I picked up a few reminders from Deirdre’s presentation on how to do a session intake. I do it very differently than she does, but we both cover most of the same basics. She did a short demo and it was interesting to notice an ever so slight response in myself when I heard the client’s memory. He was dragging his feet out the van when his leg got caught in the wheel and run over. I gave a tiny gasp and moved my head to the left. I felt nothing, but noticed the reaction. I almost ignored it, but as a master practitioner, I know even the slightest reaction is a trigger of something that I hold within, or me buying into their trance. It isn’t real now, it’s just what they hold that supports their patterns. So I looked within and remembered I almost fell out of the car when I was four. I’m pretty sure I have tapped on that already, so what’s the reaction about? I had no emotion but tapped on it anyway. Even though I didn’t feel it, I could still see it. I kept tapping and still didn’t feel it until Deirdre took the client into seeing it from his Dad’s position. I followed along and went into the position of my mother and there it was, my big tears, her fear, anxiety and panic. I kept tapping till it was gone and we are sitting in the car smiling at each other happily and peacefully. The incident happened long before seat belts were installed in cars. Mom was driving my Grandparent’s 1940 Chevy. She went around a corner and I must have grabbed the door handle for support. The door flew open, I saw the pavement as I began falling toward it and felt mother grab my left knee and pull me back into the car. OWE! It really hurt and I was angry, shocked and upset that she hurt me so much when I hadn’t done anything wrong. That is likely the part I had tapped on before without ever going into second position to see it from Mother’s perceptional experience. It happened and was over so quickly maybe I didn’t realize the near death danger. I didn’t remember any fear, only the pain of her pulling me by the leg. That is a good example of the way I practice the basics now. I just tap on what is here in the present moment inside my mind/body until my unconscious gives me a memory to clear. I didn’t go looking or digging for it, I just stayed in the present moment and when it showed up in the present moment then I addressed it and flipped it. — © Copyright B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights...

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Back To Basics

Posted by on Feb 19, 2014 in CFS, disability, entertainment, Faster EFT, Fibromyalgia, healing, humor, journal, Linda Esser, Recovery, Robert Smith, Tapping, trauma, YouTube | 0 comments

The sweet zone was elusive, but I’m still good. Yesterday I was tired, bored and sleepy. My zone was mostly neutral. I noticed a couple of judgments and tapped on them. I may need to start doing my own seminars again. I may get distracted telling my stories, but no more and maybe less than Robert does his. He loves to tell his stories. They illustrate many good examples, which help people learn, but one may lead to another and another. Then he remembers one of Deirdre’s and has her come up to share her stories and one leads to another. What they do is wonderful, and very entertaining but takes a long time. Derren Brown’s video on Fear & Faith about the placebo effect was wonderful. My favorite part of class was the demos and prop suggestions for de-fractionation, even though Deirdre said those are Level 3 techniques. I de-fractionate in all my sessions, but I get bored using the same techniques and want to explore new, fun ways to de-fractionate. I am brainstorming for how I will do my seminars differently. I want to add more humor to my presentations and I need to practice that. I will give more opportunities for hands-on tapping and students connecting with others to build relationships and find tapping buddies. I can teach others how to heal themselves and to help others heal even if they aren’t certified. Before I showed up for my first training class in 2009, it took a masterful six months of self-healing to get there. What healed me was my daily practice of the basic techniques. I mostly tapped on raw physical sensations, negative thoughts, beliefs and emotions. I didn’t look for memories, but waited to do those in sessions with Linda. If a memory popped in and I was in a full blow emotion, then I tapped and flipped it, but I didn’t go looking for them. I didn’t need any of the props or new techniques to heal me. The basics work perfectly. This week I have gone back to the basics I used in the beginning. I continue to tap on myself using the global phrases and let it go. It works and I don’t need to add the layers of meaning and emotional trauma in order to...

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