Emotion

A Safe Yoga Home

Posted by on May 4, 2015 in death, disability, Emotion, Faster EFT, healing, heart, Linda Esser, Recovery, Spirit, Tapping | 0 comments

A Safe Yoga Home

I grab the yoga mat I inherited from Linda Esser and head out the door in her yoga pants. I only used them for lounging until now. It feels weird to be in public in lounge pants. The Heart Center Studio is my third ever Yoga class. It’s my first time to experience it as a blend of body-mind with meditative reading and music. A myriad of physical and emotional responses arise. I’m glad Jennifer starts us with the Child’s Pose that comes naturally though I never learned it before. It’s interesting that some personal intuitive practices are Yoga. Jennifer reads beautifully inspiring words. What if our religion was each other If our practice was our life If prayer, our words What if the temple was the Earth If forests were our church If holy water—the rivers, lakes, and ocean What if meditation was our relationships If the teacher was life If wisdom was self-knowledge If love was the center of our being. ~ Ganga White This is what I imagined yoga would be, the integration of physical and spiritual practices. I was inspired by the movie AWAKE: The Life of Yogananda. It gave me a better understanding. Yoga is about preparing the body for meditation, to become a clear channel for Divine Inspiration and finding my personal guru within. Waves of thoughts and emotions roll through me. Jennifer suggests a return to the Child’s Pose if needed. Ah! Safety is always encouraged. I watch and imitate as best I can, but don’t stay in sync with the class. During a movement she says, “…if it is available to you today…” and likewise honors herself. As my face comes downward on Linda’s mat I notice an automatic thought flash. Linda loved yoga, but it didn’t heal her, she still died at 50. Tears spurt out my eyes and I mentally tap, embracing and releasing the emotions. Jennifer names and guides us into familiar poses. I learned them with another friend on her Wii in 2010 when she could still stand, albeit wobbly. Now she is confined to a wheelchair. On a recent visit she spelled out on her alphabet board “Diagnosis Terminal.” Yoga didn’t heal her or Steve Jobs either. What else could I do for three years disabled except become body-mind aware while living from a reclining position? My awareness now is on grateful amazement. Years after recovery I am able to flow with Yoga for 45 minutes before I need a break to check in with myself. I’m here to learn Yoga because I’ve healed with the mind-body work of FasterEFT. I can integrate yoga with my skills and go deeper to release mental/emotional connections that arise. A large plaque in the corner reads, “I will hold myself to a standard of Grace not perfection.” I feel fresh air blowing in and from a different position in the room notice the five-panel mural stretched across the wall. Each panel is integrated with a beautiful image of an expansive tree against my beloved colors. It reminds me of the Tree Metaphor we use in FasterEFT. Jennifer invites the class back to the Child’s Pose, and I notice it’s safe to return to my mat. I continue with what feels safe but expands my body-mind-spirit. The grateful joy that spontaneously washed over me near the beginning of class returns for an encore. Finally, I have found my way to a safe yoga home. http://www.heartcenterstudio.com © Copyright B. Grace Jones 2015 All Rights Reserved....

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WHAT in the WORLD am I doing!?

Posted by on Mar 23, 2015 in blogging, CFS, death, Depression, disability, Dreams and Visions, Emotion, Family, Faster EFT, Fibromyalgia, healing, heart, humor, Recovery, Tapping | 0 comments

WHAT in the WORLD am I doing!?

Why am I indoors on a gorgeously sunny spring Saturday? I could be hiking the Tallgrass Prairie but instead I am vacuuming the 1894 wood plank library sub-floor of an historic old house. WHY? I enjoy the mindlessness of the work and a special feeling of being a tiny part of the restoration of a grand old house. I would be doing this for my own Victorian house if I had not bought the family mid-century house my dad built. Yes, I have work to do at home, but I need a break from the emotion involved there. Methodically and meticulously I vacuum wood shards and sawdust out of cracks and pull nails while I inquire within. Ross had briefly asked, “Do you really want to…do you like doing this…?” I haven’t given him an answer, partly because I haven’t yet formulated the words to help him understand. People don’t comprehend how comfortable I am in construction zones, because I grew up in a home perpetually under construction. Maybe that is one reason why I am drawn to helping Ross. I realize it is a complex combination of motives even I may not quite understand. Something gave me hope the first time I read The Emporia Gazette, March 2014, New owner gives breath to historic Emporia home. It was during my shadows of grief and depression, still reeling from Mother’s absence in our house and other deeply rooted family issues that insisted on my attention. It was an inexplicable moment that defies human understanding when I read the article’s every word. My mind’s eye can still see a photo of Ross’s silhouette inside the cavernous hull of the Cross House staircase. I noticed an unusual feeling that I want to be there and meet this man. Reading about Ross’s vintage lighting business, I looked for a way to connect. I desperately need new mid-century lighting for my house. I checked out his eBay store, sent him an email, but got no reply. Since I believe everything happens in Divine Order and Perfect Timing, I didn’t think much more about it. By summer, again I reinvented my life and took action to get out and live in my Emporia hometown, not just inside my family’s house. I volunteered for Dirty Kanza 200 and it changed me. I kept working on lots of emotional healing and by fall I spoke my truth to others. I finally had the big shift in October when again I stood up for myself about the concrete staircase resurfacing. Isn’t it interesting how house restoration can be a metaphor for personal restoration? January 3, 2015 I saw another Gazette article Hidden Emporia with Ross MacTaggart giving an inside tour of the old post office. He seems to be an architectural expert! I recognize his name and it was immediately confirmed in an adjacent story about The Cross House renovation moves along. Oh My God! (OMG!) I dove into every word and learn Ross has a blog. What have I missed!? Again I took immediate action, engaged in making blog comments that include self-disclosure about growing up in my Emporia mid-century home. Mine may be the house Ross couldn’t find when he bought The Cross House. Again, now why am I inside preparing a floor to be covered with oak? Because I CAN! I am no longer confined to a bed or an elaborately cushioned recliner that I can’t get up from without an intensely careful plan. OMG! I CAN help someone else, for no good reason other than I want to be of service to what I believe is a remarkable and highly visible improvement to my...

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It Changes You — Dirty Kanza 200

Posted by on Jun 1, 2014 in blogging, disability, Emotion, entertainment, healing, Japan, Nature, pace, pain, stress, trauma, travel | 0 comments

It Changes You — Dirty Kanza 200

Vibrating with raw energy, enthusiasm and excitement, the registrants for the Dirty Kanza 200 pack into The Granada in Emporia. This is the World’s Premier Gravel Grinder bicycle race right here in my hometown with over 1200 riders from 45 states and 7 countries. After my first half hour as a Gravel Groupie Volunteer, it is time for the riders’ meeting. There is a documentary video/slide show feeding more inspiration into the theater occupants. After all the photos and descriptions of riders grinding over 200 miles of gravel, the show ends with three words across a Flint Hills panorama, “It changes you.” Tears fill my eyes just imagining it. If exploring the Flint Hills by car can change me as a teenager, how wonderful would it be out there on a bike? But, I can’t really imagine the experience of grinding bike tires up and down the gravel hills. The day of the race is my first time even as a spectator. I have no idea what to expect. I just show up, report in and wait for instructions. There are more than enough volunteers at the Hospitality Tent, so Kristi asks me to help out with the banner signing. Holding a sharpie to give to the riders sounds boring, which is why I opted for the Hospitality Tent. When I realize that involves cutting up oranges, bananas and pouring water, the banner position suddenly seems more interesting. For the next five hours I have a front row spot behind the directors tent at the end of the finish line. In many cases I am one of the first people to shake a finishers hand, give a high five, pat on the back, congratulate them, help them find their finish time on the computer, direct them to the refreshments and ask them to sign the banner, pointing to the Sharpie hanging on the pole ties. I snap a few pictures from my iPhone of the first few finishers, but as the numbers increase I am busy greeting and directing riders or their crew. Some riders are a bit dazed, some are overwhelmingly exhausted and the EMTs are nearby. Some look almost euphoric; others burst into tears or are trembling as they try to regain their land legs. Some arrive with calm smiles as if it’s just another great ride through the Flint Hills of Kansas. Others ride past looking for the closest piece of shaded grass to rest. If a rider is too exhausted I follow their crewmembers to direct them to the refreshments and ask them to be sure their rider signs the banner after they’ve recovered. I get some of the sweatiest, grimy handshakes of my lifetime, and it doesn’t even bother me. It feels wonderful to be a part of something monumental in these riders’ lives. I get to hear comments to the Race Directors as riders finish and many say, “Thank you, this is the best course I’ve ever done.” One rider says, “This is the greatest achievement of my life!” I say, “Congratulations! Good work!” Time after time the riders thank me for my hard work, for being there, for being a Gravel Groupie. I mirror it back, “Thank you for your hard work. Without you we wouldn’t be here. You’re welcome.” I know they aren’t thanking me personally, because all I did was show up the day before the race. They are thanking the Race Directors, all the support staff, the entire community of Emporia, the surrounding communities that participate and all the ranchers whose front and back yards they travelled. Our contact creates a bond of...

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Shining Light On The Darkness

Posted by on Mar 10, 2014 in Depression, Emotion, entertainment, healing, Recovery | 1 comment

Thank God for the lovely outpouring of birthday wishes on Thursday. I was still in a depressive funk, but I continued to go through the motions of celebrating in every way The Universe provided. I watched the negativity in my thoughts and allowed them to play out long enough to realize it is nothing I would fully buy into, so why do I allow myself to play with it? It’s a waste of time and not doing my body or me any good. Whatever the thoughts are they register in my body and I don’t need those kinds of physical responses. I’m grateful for the blitz of well wishes on FaceBook. I read every one of them and practiced believing that they are all true, even if I didn’t fully believe that I am a wonderful as others think. I still practiced believing it, feeling it as if it were true. Then I began to realize it is true, and I had been forgetting myself all along. I am an amazing person with all the qualities others see in me. I have been focusing on the things about myself that I still see as lacking. Things like, why can’t I be more funny and entertaining? Why isn’t there a lover in my life? What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. There it is again, focusing on what I don’t want and phrasing my questions in ways to get the answers I don’t want. There’s where I need to reframe and flip things around. After a quick shopping trip the car started vibrating and the engine light started blinking so I headed straight for the mechanics. At least I didn’t have to get it towed. I started up a conversation with the man who gave me a ride home by asking how long he had worked there. He started telling me his story about breaking his neck about 10 years ago, the doctors saying he would be paralyzed, all the years of PT and proving the doctors wrong, the failure of his own repair shop and now he lives with constant pain and virtually no feeling on his right side. As we neared my house I questioned if he is open to alternative therapies. Not chiropractic and someone had suggested acupuncture, but he hasn’t used it. I briefly told him about the self-help techniques I used to heal me that I teach others and how effective they are. He said he was definitely interested and wanted my card, so I directed him to my YouTube channel to find the free how to videos. Hopefully I helped someone find a way out of pain on my Birthday.  — © Copyright B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights...

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Mindful Love After Love

Posted by on Mar 5, 2014 in Depression, disability, Emotion, entertainment, Faster EFT, Fibromyalgia, healing, Mono, pain, Recovery, Tapping, YouTube | 0 comments

Sunday I was inspired to look for a mindfulness video to give my new clients. I need to introduce them to observing their thoughts before we start. That is part of how my mind was set up to help me heal so fast when Linda first taught me to tap. I found several videos but was browsing to see which was best for beginners. I was triggered to tears for an unknown reason by a short video of Jon Kabat-Zinn. Maybe it was because I saw the story of how he began the Mindfulness program in 1979 and how it progressed. It was astounding that when Zinn asked the medical staff what is the patient’s recovery percentage, it was under 20%. How does it make any sense to proceed down that path when they can do no better? When Bill Moyers series Healing and The Mind was on TV in 1993 we recorded it on VHS and never watched it then. It wasn’t until I was disabled and using meditation in 2005-6 that I watched it. There was a long section of it dedicated to the work Zinn was doing with Mindfulness at University of Massachusetts. Mindfulness was just another thing I tried to simply manage or live with the symptoms but it didn’t actually release them. In the YouTube video Zinn was working individually with a woman in extreme pain in a classroom full of people. I looked at all the people desperately needing some relief from pain and symptoms, and they think this is still the best they can get. I wanted to tap on all of them. I want them to know mindfulness is a wonderful foundation but if they will couple it with tapping it can set them free. I found another video of a wonderful talk Zinn gave at UCSD in 2005 that was posted on YouTube in 2008. There were two wonderful poems he recited that illustrated his points. I posted them on my FaceBook page. The second, Love After Love, got several comments, and I posted the video with the starting point at Zinn reciting the poem. Hopefully others will go back and watch from beginning to end. It’s 50 minutes long but worth it. It snowed more Sunday and the ground was mostly covered. It got so bitterly cold the wind chill was -17°. I woke up in the night and my nose was so cold it was dripping. My head and back were cold so I pulled my cozy over my head and the covers around my face, but it was still too cold to get back to sleep. I finally got up for the wool blanket that I had taken off before I went to OKC, since I thought we were done with winter. I put on my cozy, got Linda’s plush robe to put over my head, turned on the Soul Light recording and finally got back to sleep. When the heater kicked up around seven I began to get too hot and woke up. Frankly, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, and felt some other heavy feelings. I had lots of pain in my back, neck, shoulders, hips, and did a lot of tapping. I also had that hollow feeling of not getting enough sleep. I haven’t had that in a long time and wondered if I planted a reminder in my mind when I watched my video of Dread and Resistance to Getting Up. I sure had that Monday morning and just kept tapping. I didn’t get all the symptoms released before I got up, but it...

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Don’t Hold Yourself Back

Posted by on Mar 1, 2014 in cancer, CFS, death, Depression, disability, EBV, Emotion, Family, Faster EFT, Fibromyalgia, healing, Japan, Linda Esser, Mono, pace, pain, Recovery, Robert Smith, Tapping, trauma, travel | 0 comments

Watching Tiffany and Heather is great for a lot of people, but there will be some who cannot relate to their stories when they can relate to others or mine. My parents were mostly calm, loving, supportive and encouraging. My childhood traumas were not so dramatic. There was no alcohol or drugs, no death threats or rape. Still, somehow I picked up some patterns of belief and behavior that led to similar symptoms showing up in my body. I know there are thousands like me who will not be able to relate to extremely violent childhoods. Those are the people I hope to reach. The world needs to hear my voice and the others. The Universe spoke to me through a man on the Friends dance floor, “Don’t hold yourself back.” I already have whatever I need within me to get this done. The Universe has set me up for it. The time is now. Set my intention, keep moving through it, do whatever it takes, tap through every resistance or fear, alternate with play and fun to keep pulling myself out of the past muck that I must write about in order to help others. Then I can use my book as support to help my clients when they get frustrated after tapping for six months and they aren’t completely healed yet. Neither was I? I was just beginning to have abilities to do things like paint for two hours in my kitchen. After six months of daily tapping I began practitioner training. I still had to pace myself carefully, tapping my way through fatigue and pain that still lingered. At first, the weekly trips from Kansas to OKC were four days. I kept an easy pace with a day on either side to relax, have fun or work for Robert before and after classes. By the time I finished training six months later, I could drive down the same day for the Monday night class, spend one night and drive 250 miles home after class on Tuesday night. It was amazing to me that I had changed that much in six months and by then I had been tapping for a year. I slowly increased my work hours until I was virtually working full time at building my FasterEFT practice. It was more than another year after that before I discontinued my disability benefits. I recently helped a client make a lot of big changes in her life. After tapping for six months she was frustrated that she’s not completely symptom-free yet. She is focused on what she can’t do instead of all the amazing progress. To those who are impatient with their progress, I suggest let go of the expectations you have of getting a certain outcome by a certain time. I never set that up in my head so my speed of progress was never a disappointment. I stayed in the present moment of the progress I had made, always practicing gratitude for how far I had come from where I began. I had no one to compare myself to, which I can see now was a real blessing. I was just forging ahead like a pioneer, tapping my way through everything I didn’t want and continued to practice gratitude every step of the way for each little improvement. Not everyone will heal as fast as Heather and Tiffany, and they are not completely healed yet either. They are still working on stuff. Yes FasterEFT can create fast changes but sometimes changes can be very slow or even invisible. You may not even know something...

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